I NEED to vent, here it goes...

Please excuse my language but in this situation some improper language is a MUST.
I feel like this is a WHAT THE FUCK situation. I feel like i got screwed over really bad and boy does it hurt. Yeah i know we were only together for 2 months but i had feelings invested in him since like March. So yeah, i'm crushed. Maybe not heartbroken since i can't say i was "in love" with him or anything but i was definitely starting to fall for him. I thought this was going to be something great. I wanted to make him happy, i wanted to love him and i wanted to feel loved back. I was going to put my all into this. But guess what, he didn't want it. He had something good standing right in front of him and he didn't want it. It's like WOW are you that dumb. I can't believe he let a good thing like this just pass him by. I just don't understand how you can go to wanting a girlfriend one week and the next you want out. Everything was so great at first. I had such a good feeling about him. He seemed like such a nice guy, like a guy who would never do this to me. But what happened...he turned out to be just like every other guy. He said he's not ready for a serious relationship and he wasn't ready to commit. But SHIT it's not like we were serious. I wasn't all like "Aaron i love you so much i wanna be with you foreverrrrr." NO nothing like that. It wasn't even serious yet. I was just taking it day by day. Yeah i was hoping that it turned into something serious but not right away, not this soon. It was going to take time. He knew going into this that i didn't wanna get hurt, that i didn't wanna waste my time with someone who was just going to hurt me. HE KNEW IT but he had to go and do it anyways. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK AARON. MY gosh i am sooooooooooo pissed. Like soooooooooo pissed. He said all he wanted to do was "go out" and meet new people. He realized he was "still young" and didn't wanna worry about hurting a girlfriend every time he went out with his friends. Oh man where should i start..
1ST OF ALL- GO OUT? what are you some party boy now. are you gunna go out and pick up chicks at the bar or something. like seriously? You're not the out-going type AT ALLL. so good luck meeting new girls.
2nd- yeah 24 isn't old anything but its not like you're freakin 18-21 still where most guys at that age just wanna go out and party. You're 24 dude. You;re getting old. You need to focus on what you wanna do with your life not focus on just "going out"
UGH i got sooooo mad when he said "i just wanna go out, that's alllll i wanna do."
YEAH CAUSE YOU DO THAT SO MUCH AND ALL! FUCK FUCK FUCK! What is with him? It's like he's not the same guy anymore. What caused this sudden change? I don't know. I talked him up sooo much to all my friends about how he was SOOOOOOO great and about how happy i was. Everyone always said "we were sooo cute together." All my friends wanted to meet him. My dad openly said that he accepted him into our house. But NO he had to go and turn his back on all that. Are you retarded seriously? What happened..WHAT!!??
OH OH and even though he felt this way he said he was STILL gunna come to the Kelly concert. He said he was gunna wait to break up with me after the concert had passed. SO BASICALLY YOU WERE GOING TO COME INTO MY HOUSE AND LIE TO ME AND MY FAMILY MAKING IT SEEM LIKE EVERYTHING WAS OK AND LIKE WE WERE SOOO HAPPY TOGETHER...man FUCK YOU AARON. I can't believe you were gunna sink that low. I thought you were different. everyone did. I tell my friends about this and they're all shocked. No one can believe he did this to me. I still can't believe he did this to me. I was sooooooooo good to him. It seemed like he liked me. Shoot he'd drive an hour to see me and an hour back to his house. We'd go out to dinner and to movies together. He'd come over and we'd just hang out and laugh and we'd snuggle and just lay in my bed and just kiss. And now that's all gone. GONE. I'm hurting so much more than i thought i would. I wanted him sooo bad for such a long time. Then summer came around. He had graduated so i thought i'd never see him again. I was fine was that. I figured, hey if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be. So i resigned to forgetting about him. Then summer was over and i went back to long beach and one day i unexpectedly get a text from him asking if i wanted to go watch a movie with him. I was excited. But i never thought of it as a date. I just saw it as 2 friends catching up. So we went to the movie. Everything was great. I was happy to see him again. We planned to hang out more and he said he was down to go to the kelly concert. So i was happy about that. Then a few days after out 1st "date" he came over to the apt and we played Beatles Rockband. We had this bet thing going on and if he got 100% on a song he thought he deserved a kiss. So that's when i was like OK he does like me. So that night is when we had our first kiss. and i was just on cloud 9. i was like YESS finally something good. Then we began seeing each other more and pretty soon we were officially together. I was sooo happy. I had finally gotten the guy i had been wanting for such a long long time. I thought we'd last. But look at us now... I was sooo excited for him to come to Visalia and for us to see Kelly together. I could NOT wait for the day to come. Now i'm miserable. He's not coming to Visalia, he's not going to Kelly with me, he's not mine anymore. AAAAAHHH. This sucks soooooooo bad. I can't even believe this is happening to me. yeah i still like him. but i'm so mad at him. I didn't do anything to deserve this. I hope he regrets this. I hope he feels awful tomorrow as he's on his way to Fresno to his Uncle's and sees signs for Visalia. OH look AARON that's where you WON'T BE GOING. Oh you're in Fresno? That's where Kelly is performing on Tuesday...oh wait YOU'RE NOT GOING. FUCK this shit.

Have your fun when you "go out" Aaron. But don't ever do this to a girl again. Next time you're in a relationship make sure you really want to be in it. Make sure you don't change your mind 2 months into it. I hope you're happy now I really do. Go you...you got what you wanted. Now you're free. You did this to me out of the no where..totally not cool.

Sometimes i wonder if he did this because he still had feelings for his ex- christine. Whom we HAD TO GO LOOK FOR AT D-LAND LIKE 3 fucking times. whom he was texting non-stop while waiting in line for the haunted mansion. that's so FUCKING RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL. DON'T EVER TREAT A GIRL LIKE THAT. It killed me inside sooo bad. It hurt me soo much. Then you still went and held my and hugged me and kissed me back...wow. What a fucking jerk.

Shit i'm crying again. I gotta be strong. I gotta get over this and move on. But it's so hard. It was like a slap in the face that just came out of the blue. My insides feel all torn up. Why am i always getting hurt? Why me? Why now? Why you? You...
AGGGH. Breathe Laura...its not the end of the world. I'll find someone new. Someone who'll appreciate me. Someone who'll accept my love and give it back. Someone who'll i'll make soooo happy and who'll make me happy. I was ready to give you my all. But NO, guess it's NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Screw you. At the end of the night you'll go back to where you were before me...ALONE.

DUMPED

Just got dumped!
Now i have a good reason to belt out CHIVAS
its ok, have your fun. i was too good for you anyways. its ok. you're 24...don't even know where your life is going. you don't even know what you want to do. its ok. you liked nerdy things. and i liked you. but its ok. i'll be fine. i wish you were still mine. but its ok. got my hopes up. thought you were different. thought you were real. but its ok. cause break ups are just a part of growing up. its ok. i'll find someone new. someone whose ready for me. someone i can actually love. oh honey. its ok. you're just being a guy. its ok. i get it, it's cool. whatever babe. you were just a tool. but its ok. i won't cry for you. cause you're just not worth it babe. yeah i'm crushed. but its ok. shit happens right? maybe we can still be friends, but maybe not. but its ok. i got my friends and my family by my side. they make me truly happy,so i'll be alright.
Its ok, i'll be ok

WOW in all Caps

I haven't practiced my writing in Spanish in a while. Now i am through IM with Stacey and Linda's cousin MANUEL. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I was on myspace and he IMed me randomly. This is soooo awkward.We've never really talked before at all the Rogee reunions we've been too. But i've always noticed that him and his brother always checked me out. And thith too. But mostly me hahaha. AHHHH I'M SO MORTIFIED RIGHT NOW. I don't want him to get the wrong impression. He is TOTALLY NOT my type at alllllll and i have a BOYFRIEND!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHH its so bad. OK i'm still mortified its getting worse. I don't know how to get out of it. Why do i attract GB's? UGH. He's asking me what kind of music i like and how old i am...what's next...what i'm looking for in a guy...WELL ITS NOT YOU HONEY.

Glee and My BC List

Caught up on the episodes of Glee I missed. It's so good! Mr. Schuster and Artie are my new Boy Crushes. Sorry Aaron but I got new BCs. haha. Now i'm watching some youtubes of Craig Ferguson...he's pretty hot too..and funny! I was watching Letterman and he just does not make me laugh. Maybe he's not supposed to be a funny guy but I just don't like him. When I do choose to watch late night talk shows I think i'll stick with Conan and now Craig of course.

Speaking of my BCs let me recall all my former BCs
Kindergarten:Angel Duran
1st Grade-Aaron Vigil R.I.P-he died so young. I'm sad now thinking about it.
2nd grade-Anthony ??? don't remember his last name.
Wow I like how they all start with the letter A
3rd grade-Blaine Taylor-what girl DIDN'T have a crush on him seriously
4th grade-Blaine Taylor STILL i think.
5th grade-Marcos ??? all i remember is that he was a cute GB
6th grade-DEREK SHORES OH MY GOODNESS. He made the 6th grade the best grade for me in all of my elementary school years. If i could go back and repeat any grade it'd be the 6th grade only because of him and how fun he made going to school. Derek Shores..the one that got away. OOOK i need to stop...moving along.
7th grade-In the beginning it was still Derek then it was Jaime Calvo, DJ Adamsom but most of all RYAN SHANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH hahahahaha. I remember i came home crying when i saw him ask another girl out. But dammit he was freakin hot for a 7th grader. Now he has a beer belly and a beard...YUCK!
8th grade-Matthew Ryan Murphy (WHYYYYYYYYYY!!!!????) I was an idiot. I'm glad i was saved from him. Brandon Julian and then came Joesph Huffaker
9th grade-Osiel Garcia and Joe
10th grade-Robert Padilla and Joe
11th grade-Joe and Nick Hubbard
12th grade-Joe and Micah Aaron Bui aka PIKACHU bahahahaha
Freshmen Year of College 1st Semester-Joe and Micah still a little since we had recently broken up.
Freshmen Year 2nd Semester-Joe,Erick Elias from the Bookstore BAHAHAHAHA, the guy who used to go in to the C-store whom I named Paul Parpaliano (Jessica darling's crush to end all crushes...only those that read the Jessica Darling series would know what i'm talking about)since i didn't know his name and of course AARON MAARTEN BLAAUW
Sophomore Year-Aaron B. The boyfriend :)

WOW I've had a lot of BC's

I hope this doesn't make me look bad. Especially the times where I've had multiple BCs at the same time :/

I really should stick to only having one crush at a time. I think I will starting....NOW!

I shouldn't

i really shouldn't let the little things get to me. I need to learn to put my jealousy aside...i really do. It's not good being a jealous person. I'm getting a whole lot better at it though. Like a WHOOOLLLEEE lot.

On another note...Aaron got a D-land Annual pass. Blame me. No don't blame me. But yaaay i'm excited. Now we can go together to the happiest place on earth and just be happy :)

Nicole gets kind of annoying sometimes especially when she acts really immature and inappropriate. But whatev not like i could've shooed her away.

I kissed BC ONCE last night :( haha ok i shouldn't be sad about that. I BLAME BYRON!(reference to a book i'm reading) But i don't like kissing in public so i think that's a big part of it. Kiss in public or no kiss at all? I chose no kiss at all haha. I did get a kiss goodbye though so that's all that matters :) He's handsome. The more i look at him the more i'm like wow you're a handsome guy. haha

Still soooooo excited for BC to go to Visalia. It's gunna be grrreat. I should stop calling him BC but it comes so naturally since that's what i've been referring to him as since like March when I first realized I liked him. Oh well, BC it is.

I like how most of this post is about BC. OOOOOOK i need to stop.

That's it for today i guess.

i love...
Do I ?

What is this?

Am i falling? Maybe........ :) :/
It's B-Bizzles birthday today!!!!! She's 20. Its crazy we met when we were both 13 now she's 20. Life goes by soooo fast. We're going to Disneyland for a bit today then all day tomorrow...CAN'T WAIT!
I've been downloading country songs haha. I'm listening to Brooks & Dunn right now...AINT NOTHING BOUT YOU!
So last night BC helped me choose between Mexico and Vegas for my 21st and MEXICO IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! Woo i can't wait. I told him we should have a Mariachi follow us around everywhere we went. Then they could randomly bust out in a GB song...NOT the Cucaracha Aaron. I'm so eXcited its gunna be GRRRREAAAT!
Well that's all for now!

I am a kelly Fan

KELLY CLARKSON <333
she's so cute.soooo cute. i'm just watching the Vegas videos and how cute she looks hoppin an boppin around the stage :)