I NEED to vent, here it goes...

Please excuse my language but in this situation some improper language is a MUST.
I feel like this is a WHAT THE FUCK situation. I feel like i got screwed over really bad and boy does it hurt. Yeah i know we were only together for 2 months but i had feelings invested in him since like March. So yeah, i'm crushed. Maybe not heartbroken since i can't say i was "in love" with him or anything but i was definitely starting to fall for him. I thought this was going to be something great. I wanted to make him happy, i wanted to love him and i wanted to feel loved back. I was going to put my all into this. But guess what, he didn't want it. He had something good standing right in front of him and he didn't want it. It's like WOW are you that dumb. I can't believe he let a good thing like this just pass him by. I just don't understand how you can go to wanting a girlfriend one week and the next you want out. Everything was so great at first. I had such a good feeling about him. He seemed like such a nice guy, like a guy who would never do this to me. But what happened...he turned out to be just like every other guy. He said he's not ready for a serious relationship and he wasn't ready to commit. But SHIT it's not like we were serious. I wasn't all like "Aaron i love you so much i wanna be with you foreverrrrr." NO nothing like that. It wasn't even serious yet. I was just taking it day by day. Yeah i was hoping that it turned into something serious but not right away, not this soon. It was going to take time. He knew going into this that i didn't wanna get hurt, that i didn't wanna waste my time with someone who was just going to hurt me. HE KNEW IT but he had to go and do it anyways. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK AARON. MY gosh i am sooooooooooo pissed. Like soooooooooo pissed. He said all he wanted to do was "go out" and meet new people. He realized he was "still young" and didn't wanna worry about hurting a girlfriend every time he went out with his friends. Oh man where should i start..
1ST OF ALL- GO OUT? what are you some party boy now. are you gunna go out and pick up chicks at the bar or something. like seriously? You're not the out-going type AT ALLL. so good luck meeting new girls.
2nd- yeah 24 isn't old anything but its not like you're freakin 18-21 still where most guys at that age just wanna go out and party. You're 24 dude. You;re getting old. You need to focus on what you wanna do with your life not focus on just "going out"
UGH i got sooooo mad when he said "i just wanna go out, that's alllll i wanna do."
YEAH CAUSE YOU DO THAT SO MUCH AND ALL! FUCK FUCK FUCK! What is with him? It's like he's not the same guy anymore. What caused this sudden change? I don't know. I talked him up sooo much to all my friends about how he was SOOOOOOO great and about how happy i was. Everyone always said "we were sooo cute together." All my friends wanted to meet him. My dad openly said that he accepted him into our house. But NO he had to go and turn his back on all that. Are you retarded seriously? What happened..WHAT!!??
OH OH and even though he felt this way he said he was STILL gunna come to the Kelly concert. He said he was gunna wait to break up with me after the concert had passed. SO BASICALLY YOU WERE GOING TO COME INTO MY HOUSE AND LIE TO ME AND MY FAMILY MAKING IT SEEM LIKE EVERYTHING WAS OK AND LIKE WE WERE SOOO HAPPY TOGETHER...man FUCK YOU AARON. I can't believe you were gunna sink that low. I thought you were different. everyone did. I tell my friends about this and they're all shocked. No one can believe he did this to me. I still can't believe he did this to me. I was sooooooooo good to him. It seemed like he liked me. Shoot he'd drive an hour to see me and an hour back to his house. We'd go out to dinner and to movies together. He'd come over and we'd just hang out and laugh and we'd snuggle and just lay in my bed and just kiss. And now that's all gone. GONE. I'm hurting so much more than i thought i would. I wanted him sooo bad for such a long time. Then summer came around. He had graduated so i thought i'd never see him again. I was fine was that. I figured, hey if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be. So i resigned to forgetting about him. Then summer was over and i went back to long beach and one day i unexpectedly get a text from him asking if i wanted to go watch a movie with him. I was excited. But i never thought of it as a date. I just saw it as 2 friends catching up. So we went to the movie. Everything was great. I was happy to see him again. We planned to hang out more and he said he was down to go to the kelly concert. So i was happy about that. Then a few days after out 1st "date" he came over to the apt and we played Beatles Rockband. We had this bet thing going on and if he got 100% on a song he thought he deserved a kiss. So that's when i was like OK he does like me. So that night is when we had our first kiss. and i was just on cloud 9. i was like YESS finally something good. Then we began seeing each other more and pretty soon we were officially together. I was sooo happy. I had finally gotten the guy i had been wanting for such a long long time. I thought we'd last. But look at us now... I was sooo excited for him to come to Visalia and for us to see Kelly together. I could NOT wait for the day to come. Now i'm miserable. He's not coming to Visalia, he's not going to Kelly with me, he's not mine anymore. AAAAAHHH. This sucks soooooooo bad. I can't even believe this is happening to me. yeah i still like him. but i'm so mad at him. I didn't do anything to deserve this. I hope he regrets this. I hope he feels awful tomorrow as he's on his way to Fresno to his Uncle's and sees signs for Visalia. OH look AARON that's where you WON'T BE GOING. Oh you're in Fresno? That's where Kelly is performing on Tuesday...oh wait YOU'RE NOT GOING. FUCK this shit.

Have your fun when you "go out" Aaron. But don't ever do this to a girl again. Next time you're in a relationship make sure you really want to be in it. Make sure you don't change your mind 2 months into it. I hope you're happy now I really do. Go you...you got what you wanted. Now you're free. You did this to me out of the no where..totally not cool.

Sometimes i wonder if he did this because he still had feelings for his ex- christine. Whom we HAD TO GO LOOK FOR AT D-LAND LIKE 3 fucking times. whom he was texting non-stop while waiting in line for the haunted mansion. that's so FUCKING RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL. DON'T EVER TREAT A GIRL LIKE THAT. It killed me inside sooo bad. It hurt me soo much. Then you still went and held my and hugged me and kissed me back...wow. What a fucking jerk.

Shit i'm crying again. I gotta be strong. I gotta get over this and move on. But it's so hard. It was like a slap in the face that just came out of the blue. My insides feel all torn up. Why am i always getting hurt? Why me? Why now? Why you? You...
AGGGH. Breathe Laura...its not the end of the world. I'll find someone new. Someone who'll appreciate me. Someone who'll accept my love and give it back. Someone who'll i'll make soooo happy and who'll make me happy. I was ready to give you my all. But NO, guess it's NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Screw you. At the end of the night you'll go back to where you were before me...ALONE.