So ready

so ready to go home and get away from all this.

Girrrl

"if i was your girl oh the things i'd do to you, but i'm not, so i can't, then i won't but if i was your girl..."
OH ERICK ELIAS....you hunk of a man you, teasing me with those eyes through those classes. With your bulging muscles. MMmMMmM, doin it and doin it and doin it well. Saw him Friday and INSTANTLY smiled. He is the new BC..

forget that other anime NERD...why don't you move your ass to JAPAN beotch.I am soo mean, i hope he doesn't read this. Or i'll feel kinda bad. but not bad enough to stop being mean. "look at the castle its so pretty!" nerd-"but not as pretty as you." Me-"aww that was cute babe." 10 days later i get dumped...ASSHOLE. I can be sooooooooo mean right now but i know there's other people that read this so i won't say things about him i'm sure he doesn't want other people to know....but hehe.
TEXT OF THE DAY-
"well i know a bunch of people that wanna shoot you but i won't say any names ;)"
bahaha.

i'm serious when I go to mexico i'm gunna go buck wild. hahaha. DROPPIN VAGINA PANTIES! (ok not thaaaat wild)

Anyways...Marcos likes me :/
too bad i'll NEVER like him
too bad i'm NOT going to his b-day dinner
too bad for him he's WEIRDDDDD!!

Gosh i am just being a meanie tonight. i need to stop. ok stopped

OVER IT

So over the "thug love"
i dont think i can ever picture myself being turned on by a black penis aaaaaaaaaahhh this is sooo bad. But its true. I dont ever wanna ride a black penis...maybe Bry. but not me.

I'm into the Latin Lovers now..mhm

this post is horrible for more than 1 reason

ay ay ay

A little update

So i thought i should update since i haven't in like 4 days.
Well being home has been a blast! I've haven't laughed this hard in ages!!! Whether its with the neighbors or with the family or with Deb, Bridge and Bry watching "Grandmas Cookies"... I've been laughing sooo much! Like today i rolled off the couch and was just on the carpet snort laughing hahaha. Being home really makes me happy.

I don't want to go back to LB yet to face reality. Finals, studying, homework, work and oh yeah i'm single now. What to do with that extra free time i spent on Aaron? I'm sure i'll find something. It just sucks. Yeah i'm getting over it. But i'm gunna miss being in a relationship. I liked having something to look forward too. I liked having a boyfriend to hold hands with and to kiss.It was nice. But OH WELL..guess it just wasn't meant to be. I was so excited that he was gunna come today to see kelly. I don't know how many times i wrote about or talked about how excited i was for him to come. Yeah i'm still excited about the concert...but its all so different now. I must admit i do miss him. I mean it's only natural to miss him right? Just because we broke up doesn't mean i don't still like him cause i do. I shouldn't. I should still be mad at him and i should hate him but i don't, i can't.

Its sooo easy for me to forgive people. I just can't stay mad at anyone for more than a day. Is it weird i still wanna be friends with him? Is it weird that i'd still want to hang out with him? I should give it a while before i see him. Plus i'm sure he's not like dying to see me anytime soon anyways. I need to stop thinking about this. But it's the first time I've been dumped. It hurts. I still think about it everyday. I'm like wow i can't believe we're not together anymore...IT SUCKS!!! It'll just take time...nothing but time. Not like i'm depressed or anything.I don't cry over it anymore. I'm fine. I just wish that things hadn't turned out the way they did.


I wanna date a thug...not like a literal gang banging, criminal. But a guy that's like into hip hop and nice cars. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA i can't believe i'm saying this. But i've always wanted to be someones "baby girl" hahahahahahaha i'm cracking up OOOOK this is hilarious. I want someone to dedicate r&b songs to me. :starts singing: baby girl, you know my situation, and you know that sometimes i get inpatient. hahaha that was FABULOUS (the artist not the line from the song)I wanna date someone with lots of money who'll take me out to expensive places and buy me nice clothes. hahaha ok now i sound like a gold digger...:sings: She'll take my money...when i'm in need.
I wanna be with someone where money isn't an issue haha. i want some Bonnie and Clyde love haha WOW i need to stop. Nick Hubbardish type of guys....except Nick is white.You know...even a hot latino would be nice. I used to say i'd never date a GB but i'm reconsidering. ooOoOo like the hot guy that comes in to the c-store who is from Spain...AY AY AY CHICO ;)

Maybe i'm just horny....hahaha no no kidding!
i do not hooch around....NO HUSSY HERE. If i was i'd just call Micah for an easy booty call. That's all he ever wanted anyways...good thing i never gave it up!

Anyways...i've been looking at flights to Mexico for next summer. The cheapest tickets i've found are 525 which is not bad at all. I reallllllyy want to go like reeeeaaallllyyyy bad.I haven't seen my fam in like 9 years...IT'S TIME! I really hope i do go this summer. Find me a hot Mexican to hook up with haha. Kelly Clarkson's I do not hook up WILL NOT APPLY!

OK i MUST sleep now. Going over to Vero's very early to help her some some Arts n crafts.

KELLY IN A FEW HOURRRSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhh YeSSSS

Such a great great thanksgiving. I helped mom cook...so proud of myself. I felt soo domesticated! Actually the whole fam helped cook something. We had dinner at around 5:30. It was PHENOMENAL. We had all the usual thanksgiving dishes. Plus some grilled zucchini and corn bread. Everything was great. No one over ate or over stuffed themselves which was good. We had to save room for dessert. We went over to Bry's ex-in-laws house.Everyone was so delighted to see us. We took over some champoo, bry's homemade pumpkin pie and a bottle of wine. Some home wreckin went down with Cuk's new girlfriend. hahahaha. Oh funny thing...Mari asked me," So how's your boyfriend?" Me-"Uhhh NON-EXISTENT HAHAHA." Good times all together. Laughed sooo hard today to the point of falling on the ground and just rolling around laughing. I love my family. We are all sooooooooooooo hilarious and scandalous when we're together. such a RIOT! I feel sooo much better about the whole "getting dumped" situation. Some things in life weren't meant to be but you just gotta pick yourself up and move on. I even told Aaron to have a nice thanksgiving with his fam and i asked him "friends?" and he said "friends sounds great." So it's all good between us. I realized that i too am still young and getting into a relationship wouldn't of been an ideal situation for me anyways. School needs to be put first. So many things going on in the next few days so this break will be very fun-filled! Going to see some friends and old neighbors. Kelly on Tuesday...CAN'T FREAKIN WAIT. 3RD ROW BAAAAAAABBBYYYY! <3ing being in Visalia right now. God is good, so so so good.



why am i craving stuffing again?

Cosmo

Cosmo knows whats up! They answered my questions...i totally get it now!

I NEED to vent, here it goes...

Please excuse my language but in this situation some improper language is a MUST.
I feel like this is a WHAT THE FUCK situation. I feel like i got screwed over really bad and boy does it hurt. Yeah i know we were only together for 2 months but i had feelings invested in him since like March. So yeah, i'm crushed. Maybe not heartbroken since i can't say i was "in love" with him or anything but i was definitely starting to fall for him. I thought this was going to be something great. I wanted to make him happy, i wanted to love him and i wanted to feel loved back. I was going to put my all into this. But guess what, he didn't want it. He had something good standing right in front of him and he didn't want it. It's like WOW are you that dumb. I can't believe he let a good thing like this just pass him by. I just don't understand how you can go to wanting a girlfriend one week and the next you want out. Everything was so great at first. I had such a good feeling about him. He seemed like such a nice guy, like a guy who would never do this to me. But what happened...he turned out to be just like every other guy. He said he's not ready for a serious relationship and he wasn't ready to commit. But SHIT it's not like we were serious. I wasn't all like "Aaron i love you so much i wanna be with you foreverrrrr." NO nothing like that. It wasn't even serious yet. I was just taking it day by day. Yeah i was hoping that it turned into something serious but not right away, not this soon. It was going to take time. He knew going into this that i didn't wanna get hurt, that i didn't wanna waste my time with someone who was just going to hurt me. HE KNEW IT but he had to go and do it anyways. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK AARON. MY gosh i am sooooooooooo pissed. Like soooooooooo pissed. He said all he wanted to do was "go out" and meet new people. He realized he was "still young" and didn't wanna worry about hurting a girlfriend every time he went out with his friends. Oh man where should i start..
1ST OF ALL- GO OUT? what are you some party boy now. are you gunna go out and pick up chicks at the bar or something. like seriously? You're not the out-going type AT ALLL. so good luck meeting new girls.
2nd- yeah 24 isn't old anything but its not like you're freakin 18-21 still where most guys at that age just wanna go out and party. You're 24 dude. You;re getting old. You need to focus on what you wanna do with your life not focus on just "going out"
UGH i got sooooo mad when he said "i just wanna go out, that's alllll i wanna do."
YEAH CAUSE YOU DO THAT SO MUCH AND ALL! FUCK FUCK FUCK! What is with him? It's like he's not the same guy anymore. What caused this sudden change? I don't know. I talked him up sooo much to all my friends about how he was SOOOOOOO great and about how happy i was. Everyone always said "we were sooo cute together." All my friends wanted to meet him. My dad openly said that he accepted him into our house. But NO he had to go and turn his back on all that. Are you retarded seriously? What happened..WHAT!!??
OH OH and even though he felt this way he said he was STILL gunna come to the Kelly concert. He said he was gunna wait to break up with me after the concert had passed. SO BASICALLY YOU WERE GOING TO COME INTO MY HOUSE AND LIE TO ME AND MY FAMILY MAKING IT SEEM LIKE EVERYTHING WAS OK AND LIKE WE WERE SOOO HAPPY TOGETHER...man FUCK YOU AARON. I can't believe you were gunna sink that low. I thought you were different. everyone did. I tell my friends about this and they're all shocked. No one can believe he did this to me. I still can't believe he did this to me. I was sooooooooo good to him. It seemed like he liked me. Shoot he'd drive an hour to see me and an hour back to his house. We'd go out to dinner and to movies together. He'd come over and we'd just hang out and laugh and we'd snuggle and just lay in my bed and just kiss. And now that's all gone. GONE. I'm hurting so much more than i thought i would. I wanted him sooo bad for such a long time. Then summer came around. He had graduated so i thought i'd never see him again. I was fine was that. I figured, hey if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be. So i resigned to forgetting about him. Then summer was over and i went back to long beach and one day i unexpectedly get a text from him asking if i wanted to go watch a movie with him. I was excited. But i never thought of it as a date. I just saw it as 2 friends catching up. So we went to the movie. Everything was great. I was happy to see him again. We planned to hang out more and he said he was down to go to the kelly concert. So i was happy about that. Then a few days after out 1st "date" he came over to the apt and we played Beatles Rockband. We had this bet thing going on and if he got 100% on a song he thought he deserved a kiss. So that's when i was like OK he does like me. So that night is when we had our first kiss. and i was just on cloud 9. i was like YESS finally something good. Then we began seeing each other more and pretty soon we were officially together. I was sooo happy. I had finally gotten the guy i had been wanting for such a long long time. I thought we'd last. But look at us now... I was sooo excited for him to come to Visalia and for us to see Kelly together. I could NOT wait for the day to come. Now i'm miserable. He's not coming to Visalia, he's not going to Kelly with me, he's not mine anymore. AAAAAHHH. This sucks soooooooo bad. I can't even believe this is happening to me. yeah i still like him. but i'm so mad at him. I didn't do anything to deserve this. I hope he regrets this. I hope he feels awful tomorrow as he's on his way to Fresno to his Uncle's and sees signs for Visalia. OH look AARON that's where you WON'T BE GOING. Oh you're in Fresno? That's where Kelly is performing on Tuesday...oh wait YOU'RE NOT GOING. FUCK this shit.

Have your fun when you "go out" Aaron. But don't ever do this to a girl again. Next time you're in a relationship make sure you really want to be in it. Make sure you don't change your mind 2 months into it. I hope you're happy now I really do. Go you...you got what you wanted. Now you're free. You did this to me out of the no where..totally not cool.

Sometimes i wonder if he did this because he still had feelings for his ex- christine. Whom we HAD TO GO LOOK FOR AT D-LAND LIKE 3 fucking times. whom he was texting non-stop while waiting in line for the haunted mansion. that's so FUCKING RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL. DON'T EVER TREAT A GIRL LIKE THAT. It killed me inside sooo bad. It hurt me soo much. Then you still went and held my and hugged me and kissed me back...wow. What a fucking jerk.

Shit i'm crying again. I gotta be strong. I gotta get over this and move on. But it's so hard. It was like a slap in the face that just came out of the blue. My insides feel all torn up. Why am i always getting hurt? Why me? Why now? Why you? You...
AGGGH. Breathe Laura...its not the end of the world. I'll find someone new. Someone who'll appreciate me. Someone who'll accept my love and give it back. Someone who'll i'll make soooo happy and who'll make me happy. I was ready to give you my all. But NO, guess it's NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Screw you. At the end of the night you'll go back to where you were before me...ALONE.